30 Principles to How to Win Friends and Influence People (2024)

Table of Contents
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain Principle 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation Principle 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want Principle 4. Become genuinely interested in other people Principle 5. Smile Principle 6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language Principle 7. Be a good listener Principle 8: Talk about the other person’s interests Principle 9. Make the other person feel important and sincerely do it Principle 10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it Principle 11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions Principle 12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically Principle 13. Begin in a friendly way Principle 15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking Principle 16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers Principle 17. Try honesty to see things from the other person’s point of view Principle 18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires Principle 19. Appeal to the nobler motives Principle 20. Dramatize your ideas Principle 21. Throwdown a challenge Principle 22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation Principle 23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly Principle 24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person Principle 25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders Principle 26. Let the other person save face Principle 27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement Principle 28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to Principle 29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct Principle 30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest FAQs Dale Carnegie said we should admit to our mistakes instead of defending them. Why? Is How To Win Friends and Influence People still relevant? Explain: Do not criticize, condemn or complain. What are the 6 ways to make people like you? How to criticize according to Dale Carnegie? FAQs References

The principles are divided into four major parts in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Now, let’s discuss the principles one by one.

30 Principles to How to Win Friends and Influence People (1)

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain

This principle tells us that criticism is futile because it puts the person you are criticizing on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify themself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Principle 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

Since it’s not always possible to use force, authority, or blackmail to get people to do something, we need to give people what they want. Most of our needs like food, sleep, clothing, money, housing, sex, and good health are met, but we equally desire it, but it is not met. The thirst for sincere appreciation, recognition to be considered important is what we all desire.

Principle 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Think always in terms of other people’s point of view in business or the home front. In sales, we can apply it this way. Instead of talking endlessly about products, explain how they can help the other person.

Principle 4. Become genuinely interested in other people

Dogs are the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living because they love humans. Dale tells us to easily make more friends by becoming interested in other people than by trying to get other people interested in you.

Principle 5. Smile

Your facial expression is much more important than the clothes you wear on your back. Be genuinely happy meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Act as if you were already happy, and you will be because feelings follow actions. Always wear a smile on your face.

Principle 6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

Build a system for remembering people’s names. The average person is more interested in their own name than others. Our names set us apart, so it’s great when people remember and call us by our name.

Principle 7. Be a good listener

Encourage others to talk about themselves: Attentive listening is appreciated by everyone as we all want to be heard. It may be the irritated customer, the dissatisfied employee, or the hurt friend. Don’t interrupt when people talk to you, rather be interested in what they have to say.

Principle 8: Talk about the other person’s interests

The best way to get a person’s attention is to talk about what they value most. It is of better benefit to everyone to speak in terms of the other person’s interests.

Principle 9. Make the other person feel important and sincerely do it

We should endeavor to make people feel important by our words and actions. In that way, we can radiate a little happiness to them.

Principle 10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. A misunderstanding can be resolved by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint instead of argument.

Principle 11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions

Never say, “You’re wrong.”: Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased.

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts.

Principle 12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

If you know that you are going to be rebuked, beat the other person to it and do it yourself. It is much easier to listen to self-criticism than to listen to condemnation from somebody else.

Doing so will very likely cause the other person to respond with a generous and forgiving attitude.

Principle 13. Begin in a friendly way

Observe simple courtesy when dealing with people. Words like ‘please’, ‘may I’, ‘thank you’ and ‘I am sorry’ can do a world of good in our dealing with people.

Start a conversation by discussing the things on which you agree. Keep your opponent saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. The more “yeses” you can induce at the outset, the more likely you are to succeed in capturing the attention of our ultimate proposal.

Principle 15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do.

Listen patiently and with an open mind. Don’t interrupt. Talk less about you and your accomplishments. Only mention them when asked.

Principle 16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

People have more faith in the ideas they discover themselves than in the ideas that are given to them.

So make suggestions rather than forcing your opinions on them.

Principle 17. Try honesty to see things from the other person’s point of view

Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons’ viewpoint. Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.

Principle 18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you and do what you want.

Principle 19. Appeal to the nobler motives

A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. All of us, being idealists at heart like to think of motives that sound good.

Principle 20. Dramatize your ideas

Merely stating the truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship.

Principle 21. Throwdown a challenge

One major factor that motivates people is a challenge. If the work is exciting and interesting, people look forward to doing a good job. Every successful person loves the game.

Principle 22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

A barber lathers a man before he shaves him. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

Principle 23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

Start with praise and transition to a subtle criticism by using the word “and” instead of “but.” Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may bitterly resent any direct criticism.

Principle 24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

It’s easier to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable. Admitting one’s own mistakes even when one hasn’t corrected them can help convince somebody to change their behavior.

Principle 25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

Give people the opportunity to do things themselves and learn from their own mistakes. This technique saves a person’s pride and gives him a feeling of importance.

Principle 26. Let the other person save face

Most times we find fault, issue threats, criticize a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Sometimes let them save and criticize later and in private.

Principle 27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement

Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”: When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced, and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.

Principle 28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

Principle 29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

Praise things others do right and minimize their errors. Give encouragement and others will desire to keep improving.

Principle 30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. Be empathetic and consider what it is the other person really wants.

FAQs

Dale Carnegie said we should admit to our mistakes instead of defending them. Why?

Mistakes are often misguided acts of judgment, and most times the mistake happens without our wish and out of our control. Dale Carnegie said it is better that we admit to the mistake, instead of hiding, as it helps us to progress and we can learn our lesson from it.

Is How To Win Friends and Influence People still relevant?

More than 80 years later, the book is still very relevant. The principles that Dale Carnegie taught in the book like, be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important sincerely; are things we can apply today and get results.

Explain: Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

It was Dale Carnegie who said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain.” It was the first principle in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People. Criticizing people around us only makes us enemies and creates negativity. Complaining and condemning only puts negative points in the debit column of our personal and professional relationships.

What are the 6 ways to make people like you?

According to Dale Carnegie, there are 6 ways to make people like you. He wrote them in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. They are: Become genuinely interested in other people, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important.

How to criticize according to Dale Carnegie?

Dale Carnegie teaches us not to criticize but if you must do it, here’s how he proposes you go about it. Make constructive feedback by starting with praise and honest appreciation. Indirectly call attention to people’s mistakes and talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders so the other person can save face.

30 Principles to How to Win Friends and Influence People (2024)

FAQs

How to win friends and influence people answers? ›

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. ...
  2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. ...
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. ...
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. ...
  5. Let the other person save face.
Sep 7, 2020

What are the three principles of how do you win friends and influence people? ›

Dale Carnegie's “How to Win Friends & Influence People” proposes three principles to handle people: 1) Don't criticize, condemn, or complain; 2) Give honest and sincere appreciation; and 3) Arouse in the other person an eager want.

How do you win friends and influence people questions to ask? ›

Who is the best listener you know? Who do you know that always has a smile? How do these people make you feel about yourself, life, and your friendship with them? How do you remember people's names?

How to Win Friends and Influence table of contents? ›

Table of Contents
  1. Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere 55.
  2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression 69.
  3. If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble 77.
  4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist 87.
  5. How to Interest People 99.
  6. How to Make People Like You Instantly 105.
May 17, 2022

What are the 7 rules of how do you win friends and influence people? ›

Here are the 10 best, classic lessons we learn from Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People:
  • Do Not Criticize, Condemn or Complain. ...
  • Be Generous With Praise. ...
  • Remember Their Name. ...
  • Be Genuinely Interested In Other People. ...
  • Know The Value Of Charm. ...
  • Be Quick To Acknowledge Your Own Mistakes.
Feb 7, 2018

What are the key points of making friends and influence people? ›

8 Lessons From How To Win Friends And Influence People
  • 1 Don't Criticise. ...
  • 2 Give Honest And Sincere Appreciation. ...
  • 3 Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want. ...
  • 4 Talk In Terms Of The Other Person's Interests. ...
  • 5 Remember Names. ...
  • 6 Become Genuinely Interested In Other People. ...
  • 7 Avoid Arguments. ...
  • 8 Be A Good Listener.
Apr 27, 2021

What are the three keys to friendship? ›

It's one of the three keys of friendship. You gotta listen, you gotta care, and most importantly, you gotta keep trying.

How can I be positive influence on others? ›

The ultimate guide to becoming more influential at work (or anywhere else)
  1. Listen without interruption. ...
  2. Act with integrity. ...
  3. Do what you say you're going to do. ...
  4. Give others a voice. ...
  5. Take care of yourself. ...
  6. Be relevant with your skills. ...
  7. Stay focused on what matters. ...
  8. Engage with others.
Jan 13, 2021

How to win friends and influence people be a good listener? ›

In Dale Carnegie's words, “be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.” When they share things they love or enjoy they'll feel good as they talk and they'll associate those good feelings with you. That's a winning formula for making friends and influencing people.

What makes people want to be your friend? ›

Motivations for making friends include social support, mating, socializing, career advancement, and attraction to desirable traits. In general, reasons that motivate friendship may be divided into those for true friendship and those for opportunistic friendship.

How to Win Friends and Influence People criticism? ›

Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

Criticizing others is futile because it puts the other person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's pride, hurts their sense of self-importance, and arouses resentment.

How can I worry less and start living? ›

A formula to follow
  1. Step 1: Analyze a situation causing you worry to determine the worst possible scenario if you fail.
  2. Step 2: Accept the worst possible case scenario, if it is to happen.
  3. Step 3: Focus on trying to improve the situation so that you end up with a better outcome than worst case.

What is the 5 friends rule? ›

You've probably heard it more times than you can count. “You're the average of the five people spend the most time with,” a quote attributed most often to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. There's also the “show me your friends and I'll show you your future” derivative.

What are the golden rules of making friends? ›

Friends respect the person and not the position or the title. Friends keep their words – do what you said you will do. Friends do not talk bad about friends – defend your friends in their absence. Friends should always be honest.

What are the top five things you consider important in friendship? ›

If you and your friend have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.

What are the four factors of friendship? ›

Take charge of your relationships. The Friendship Formula consists of four basic building blocks: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. These four elements can be expressed using the following mathematical formula: Friendship = Proximity x (Frequency + Duration) x Intensity.

What are the six secrets of strong lasting friendships? ›

The first letters of each of the six secrets make the acronym CREATE: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust, and empathy.

What are the six habits of healthy friendships? ›

As adults, our friendships need to be more than what they were as kids or as teenagers. Our friendships should show us trust, forgiveness, gratitude, honesty, support, commitment, and respect.

What are the 6 keys to lifelong friendship? ›

The six keys, according to Beck, are accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.

What are the three influence strategies? ›

As we reflect on the need to exert influence to accomplish personal goals or organizational goals, we should consider that there are three distinct influence strategies. We call these the three Rs. Retribution, reciprocity, and reason.

What makes a good influence? ›

Influential people have success routines, or things they can do to pump themselves up and feel confident. Research shows that confidence is what makes people influential, and having a success routine is part of building up that confidence.

What qualities make someone a positive influence in your life? ›

15 Traits That Set Influential People Apart Influential leaders spark change for the better.
  • They act deliberately. ...
  • They speak thoughtfully and listen. ...
  • They take action. ...
  • They're always learning. ...
  • They have integrity. ...
  • They connect. ...
  • They're focused on what really matters.
Aug 22, 2018

What are 3 aspects of how a good friendship works? ›

If you and your friend have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.

How many principles are there in how do you win friends? ›

Dale Carnegie's 30 Principles To Win Friends & Influence People.

What is the first principle in how do you win friends? ›

Explain: Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

It was Dale Carnegie who said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain.” It was the first principle in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People.

What are three ways to build strong friendships? ›

Four Ways To Strengthen Friendship
  • Spend Regular Time Together. How many minutes in a day do you spend just being together and enjoying each other's company? ...
  • Get to Know Each Other. ...
  • Focus on the Positive in Your Friend. ...
  • Show Appreciation and Gratitude for Each Other.

What are the 7 elements of friendship? ›

The 7 core elements of friendship, according to friendship experts
  • Reciprocity. Any party to a friendship has to both give and take, says Dr. ...
  • Support. ...
  • Boundaries. ...
  • Affection. ...
  • Ease. ...
  • Vulnerability. ...
  • Predictability.
Sep 30, 2021

What are the four C's of friendship? ›

The four factors that are most effective in initial verbal contacts are confidence, creativity, caring and consideration — otherwise known as the Four Cs.

What are the 5 friendship values? ›

Empathy, Loyalty, Trust, Honesty and Respect: 5 virtues we should all strive to embody. While these qualities are arguably the most important to cultivate within yourself to be a good friend, there are many more aspects to maintaining healthy and uplifting friendships!

How to win friends 6 principles? ›

Six ways to Make People Like You
  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. ...
  5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

What are the six steps to strong friendships? ›

Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.

What is the most important rule in friendship? ›

The most important part of any healthy friendship or relationship is the ability to talk and listen to one another. Talking and listening helps people to: Share their common interests. Share their feelings.

What are the basic principles of friendship? ›

Respect your friends — and their boundaries.

Respect your friends' boundaries as well as their stories. Some friends may have a difficult time letting people get close to them for fear of being hurt. Don't crowd your friends — give them the space they need to feel comfortable, and let the relationship deepen over time.

What is the principle that most people tend to choose friends? ›

Within the realm of social psychology, the proximity principle accounts for the tendency for individuals to form interpersonal relations with those who are close by.

What makes friendship stronger? ›

As for what makes for a strong friendship, “The highest qualities are reciprocity, interdependence, and emotional intimacy,” Kelaher says. The give and take of reciprocity will ebb and flow in a healthy bond, as will interdependence (being emotionally in sync and mutually supportive).

What habits build strong friendships? ›

8 Habits to Keep Your Friendships Strong
  • Touch Base Weekly. ...
  • Schedule Regular Hangouts. ...
  • Experience Something New Together. ...
  • Embrace Their Interests. ...
  • Be Vulnerable With Them. ...
  • Do Something Special “Just Because” ...
  • Tackle a Health Challenge Together. ...
  • Send Them Snail Mail.

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