30 Principles to How to Win Friends and Influence People (2024)
The principles are divided into four major parts in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Now, let’s discuss the principles one by one.
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
This principle tells us that criticism is futile because it puts the person you are criticizing on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify themself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
Principle 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
Since it’s not always possible to use force, authority, or blackmail to get people to do something, we need to give people what they want. Most of our needs like food, sleep, clothing, money, housing, sex, and good health are met, but we equally desire it, but it is not met. The thirst for sincere appreciation, recognition to be considered important is what we all desire.
Principle 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. Think always in terms of other people’s point of view in business or the home front. In sales, we can apply it this way. Instead of talking endlessly about products, explain how they can help the other person.
Principle 4. Become genuinely interested in other people
Dogs are the only animal that doesn’t have to work for a living because they love humans. Dale tells us to easily make more friends by becoming interested in other people than by trying to get other people interested in you.
Principle 5. Smile
Your facial expression is much more important than the clothes you wear on your back. Be genuinely happy meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Act as if you were already happy, and you will be because feelings follow actions. Always wear a smile on your face.
Principle 6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Build a system for remembering people’s names. The average person is more interested in their own name than others. Our names set us apart, so it’s great when people remember and call us by our name.
Principle 7. Be a good listener
Encourage others to talk about themselves: Attentive listening is appreciated by everyone as we all want to be heard. It may be the irritated customer, the dissatisfied employee, or the hurt friend. Don’t interrupt when people talk to you, rather be interested in what they have to say.
Principle 8: Talk about the other person’s interests
The best way to get a person’s attention is to talk about what they value most. It is of better benefit to everyone to speak in terms of the other person’s interests.
Principle 9. Make the other person feel important and sincerely do it
We should endeavor to make people feel important by our words and actions. In that way, we can radiate a little happiness to them.
Principle 10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. A misunderstanding can be resolved by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint instead of argument.
Principle 11. Show respect for the other person’s opinions
Never say, “You’re wrong.”: Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased.
We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts.
Principle 12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
If you know that you are going to be rebuked, beat the other person to it and do it yourself. It is much easier to listen to self-criticism than to listen to condemnation from somebody else.
Doing so will very likely cause the other person to respond with a generous and forgiving attitude.
Principle 13. Begin in a friendly way
Observe simple courtesy when dealing with people. Words like ‘please’, ‘may I’, ‘thank you’ and ‘I am sorry’ can do a world of good in our dealing with people.
Start a conversation by discussing the things on which you agree. Keep your opponent saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. The more “yeses” you can induce at the outset, the more likely you are to succeed in capturing the attention of our ultimate proposal.
Principle 15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do.
Listen patiently and with an open mind. Don’t interrupt. Talk less about you and your accomplishments. Only mention them when asked.
Principle 16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
People have more faith in the ideas they discover themselves than in the ideas that are given to them.
So make suggestions rather than forcing your opinions on them.
Principle 17. Try honesty to see things from the other person’s point of view
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons’ viewpoint. Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.
Principle 18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you and do what you want.
Principle 19. Appeal to the nobler motives
A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. All of us, being idealists at heart like to think of motives that sound good.
Principle 20. Dramatize your ideas
Merely stating the truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship.
Principle 21. Throwdown a challenge
One major factor that motivates people is a challenge. If the work is exciting and interesting, people look forward to doing a good job. Every successful person loves the game.
Principle 22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
A barber lathers a man before he shaves him. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
Principle 23. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
Start with praise and transition to a subtle criticism by using the word “and” instead of “but.” Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may bitterly resent any direct criticism.
Principle 24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
It’s easier to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable. Admitting one’s own mistakes even when one hasn’t corrected them can help convince somebody to change their behavior.
Principle 25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Give people the opportunity to do things themselves and learn from their own mistakes. This technique saves a person’s pride and gives him a feeling of importance.
Principle 26. Let the other person save face
Most times we find fault, issue threats, criticize a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Sometimes let them save and criticize later and in private.
Principle 27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement
Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”: When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced, and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
Principle 28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
If you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.
Principle 29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Praise things others do right and minimize their errors. Give encouragement and others will desire to keep improving.
Principle 30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do. Be empathetic and consider what it is the other person really wants.
FAQs
Dale Carnegie said we should admit to our mistakes instead of defending them. Why?
Mistakes are often misguided acts of judgment, and most times the mistake happens without our wish and out of our control. Dale Carnegie said it is better that we admit to the mistake, instead of hiding, as it helps us to progress and we can learn our lesson from it.
Is How To Win Friends and Influence People still relevant?
More than 80 years later, the book is still very relevant. The principles that Dale Carnegie taught in the book like, be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important sincerely; are things we can apply today and get results.
Explain: Do not criticize, condemn or complain.
It was Dale Carnegie who said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain.” It was the first principle in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People. Criticizing people around us only makes us enemies and creates negativity. Complaining and condemning only puts negative points in the debit column of our personal and professional relationships.
What are the 6 ways to make people like you?
According to Dale Carnegie, there are 6 ways to make people like you. He wrote them in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. They are: Become genuinely interested in other people, smile, remember people’s names, be a good listener, talk in terms of the other person’s interest and make the other person feel important.
How to criticize according to Dale Carnegie?
Dale Carnegie teaches us not to criticize but if you must do it, here’s how he proposes you go about it. Make constructive feedback by starting with praise and honest appreciation. Indirectly call attention to people’s mistakes and talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders so the other person can save face.
Dale Carnegie's “How to Win Friends & Influence People” proposes three principles to handle people: 1) Don't criticize, condemn, or complain; 2) Give honest and sincere appreciation; and 3) Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Who is the best listener you know? Who do you know that always has a smile? How do these people make you feel about yourself, life, and your friendship with them? How do you remember people's names?
In Dale Carnegie's words, “be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.” When they share things they love or enjoy they'll feel good as they talk and they'll associate those good feelings with you. That's a winning formula for making friends and influencing people.
Motivations for making friends include social support, mating, socializing, career advancement, and attraction to desirable traits. In general, reasons that motivate friendship may be divided into those for true friendship and those for opportunistic friendship.
Criticizing others is futile because it puts the other person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's pride, hurts their sense of self-importance, and arouses resentment.
You've probably heard it more times than you can count. “You're the average of the five people spend the most time with,” a quote attributed most often to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. There's also the “show me your friends and I'll show you your future” derivative.
Friends respect the person and not the position or the title. Friends keep their words – do what you said you will do. Friends do not talk bad about friends – defend your friends in their absence. Friends should always be honest.
If you and your friend have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.
Take charge of your relationships. The Friendship Formula consists of four basic building blocks: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. These four elements can be expressed using the following mathematical formula: Friendship = Proximity x (Frequency + Duration) x Intensity.
As adults, our friendships need to be more than what they were as kids or as teenagers. Our friendships should show us trust, forgiveness, gratitude, honesty, support, commitment, and respect.
As we reflect on the need to exert influence to accomplish personal goals or organizational goals, we should consider that there are three distinct influence strategies. We call these the three Rs. Retribution, reciprocity, and reason.
Influential people have success routines, or things they can do to pump themselves up and feel confident. Research shows that confidence is what makes people influential, and having a success routine is part of building up that confidence.
If you and your friend have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.
It was Dale Carnegie who said, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain.” It was the first principle in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People.
The four factors that are most effective in initial verbal contacts are confidence, creativity, caring and consideration — otherwise known as the Four Cs.
Empathy, Loyalty, Trust, Honesty and Respect: 5 virtues we should all strive to embody. While these qualities are arguably the most important to cultivate within yourself to be a good friend, there are many more aspects to maintaining healthy and uplifting friendships!
Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.
The most important part of any healthy friendship or relationship is the ability to talk and listen to one another. Talking and listening helps people to: Share their common interests. Share their feelings.
Respect your friends' boundaries as well as their stories. Some friends may have a difficult time letting people get close to them for fear of being hurt. Don't crowd your friends — give them the space they need to feel comfortable, and let the relationship deepen over time.
Within the realm of social psychology, the proximity principle accounts for the tendency for individuals to form interpersonal relations with those who are close by.
As for what makes for a strong friendship, “The highest qualities are reciprocity, interdependence, and emotional intimacy,” Kelaher says. The give and take of reciprocity will ebb and flow in a healthy bond, as will interdependence (being emotionally in sync and mutually supportive).
Introduction: My name is Merrill Bechtelar CPA, I am a clean, agreeable, glorious, magnificent, witty, enchanting, comfortable person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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